Partial results on Oakley!

I have been slacking quite a bit on this blogging thing! I finally heard back from Oakley's doctor! (On April 9th.)  The autopsy didn't show anything out of the ordinary so they sent her brain biopsy to Colorado to do further testing on the neurons of the cells to get further explanation as to why the cells weren't communicating the way they were supposed to be.  They think that she had Othahara Syndrome AKA Early Infantile Epileptic Encephalopathy. (google it! lol) Although they aren't 100% sure that, that, is what she had, she showed EVERY symptom except for the fact that her brain was perfectly structured.  For so long I have wondered how long she would have lived if we wouldn't have taken her off  life support. I had a hard time feeling ok with the fact that we wanted to do that without ever asking the question, "What if?"  After finding out she may have had OS, I feel so much better about her passing away.  Anyone born with OS, does not live a very long life and if they do live, even for a little while, they are kept on anti-seizure medication and steroids to keep them pain free.  I did not want a life like that for Oakley and I am so grateful to know that she is up in Heaven, dancing and running around, happy and healthy!
They said it could still be another 4 months before we get results back from the testing being done in Colorado.  At first Nick and I were REALLY skeptical about having another baby, knowing this is what may have been wrong with Oakley. They use to say that there were no genes connected to OS, but have since found that there are over 60 genes associated with this syndrome.  We could NOT handle the pain of going through that ever again. We discussed adoption and also in vitro. But my heart just hasn't felt right about either one of those, and it may be because its too soon, I don't know.  I just have a feeling that we are going to have another baby, they same way we had Oakley! Nick is still REALLY scared and would just rather adopt so we don't have to go through anything again but I have told him that adoption isn't always a walk in the park, and it may be 5-7 years before we even would get a baby.
I went to my family doctor who diagnosed me with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) to talk to him about getting back on the medication I was on to help my hormones level so it wouldn't be so hard to get pregnant so if we did decide to have another baby, my ovaries would be healthy.  I talked with my OBGYN and he told me he didn't think I needed to be on it, because I did get pregnant. Well I ruptured a cyst a few weeks ago so I decided to go talk to my family doctor.  He told me that it would make feel so much better if I was taking it, so he put me back on it!
We talked with him about our situation with Oakley and how scared we are to have another baby and he told us that he would bet 1 million dollars that what happened with Oakley, would not happen again!!! He explained to us that there are SO MANY chromosomes that have to line up just right for that to happen, and most of the time it is not genetic. 
After we met with him, we have been feeling very hopeful! Like I said before, I feel like we are going to have another baby just as we had Oakley, and everything will be just fine! We are still going to have testing done, and make sure we have ALL of Oakley's results back before we try again.  Right now, we are putting our faith in the Lord and praying that all will work out!

Oakley's Story

February 4, 2013 I woke up not feeling well and I was having some sort of pain in my stomach but I wasn’t sure if they were contractions or not because the pain was up high and I thought that contractions would be down lower.  I started timing the pain because it would come and go. I text my Mom and I text Kim and said, “I think I’m having contractions.”  I kept timing it and the pain was coming like every 3 minutes and lasting about one minute and thirty seconds.  My mom was at school and wasn’t getting my messages so I didn’t hear back from her. At about 8:30, Kim called me and I explained what I was feeling and she told me to get my stuff together, we were going to the hospital.  I quickly got dressed and grabbed my makeup bag and threw my hair in a ponytail.  Nick was just getting ready to leave for work so I told him Kim was taking me to the hospital to get checked out.  He went to work and we headed to Yuma. My contractions were now coming eight minutes apart.  We finally got to the hospital and they checked me in, to monitor the baby and try to stop my contractions.  At this point, my contractions were two minutes apart.  They got me all hooked up and gave me the shot to stop my contractions and gave me oxygen.  It was starting to work and contractions were stopping but there was not very much movement from the baby so they watched me for an hour to see if baby would get more active.  Kim called Nick and told him to drive to Yuma because it was looking like they were going to take the baby.

      Nick got to the hospital and about 25 mins after he got there, they decided to take the baby.  Nick and I looked at each other and said, “We’re going to have a baby today!”  I was SO nervous, but so excited at the same time! Then it hit me! Before I knew it, there were a bunch of nurses coming in and out, giving me different medicine, having me sign a bunch of papers, and prepping me for surgery. I starting crying! I was SO SCARED!  Nick got all of his gear on and held my hand the entire time!  They wheeled me into the operating room while Nick waited in the hall.  I got my spinal block and then they brought Nick in.  I was terrified!   I just laid there looking at Nick while he held my hand. I could feel them pushing really hard on my stomach trying to get her out.  When she was out, I couldn’t hear her crying.  I turned to Nick and said, “She’s not crying!”  Nick nodded his head and said she is.  Well, all he heard was two little whimpers and nothing else.  The nurse came around and said, “She’s not breathing on her own so she needs to go to the NICU, and there are some other things wrong but the doctor will need to explain them to you because I don’t know how.”  Next thing I know, they roll Oakley out of the operating room and Nick followed.  I laid on the table and all the sudden I felt SO claustrophobic.  I told the doctor I couldn’t breathe and he said, “If you’re talking, your breathing just fine!”  Ya… Kind of rude! Then I felt like I was going to throw up so he gave me some medicine to stop that.  I was SO scared.  I didn’t know what was wrong with my baby!   They rolled me into recovery and about 30 minutes later Nick came into my recovery room.  The look on his face was HORRIFYING! He was ghost white and he just looked at me and said, “It’s not good.” I hadn’t seen her and I didn’t know anything was going on.  I looked at him and said, “No, she’ll be ok!”  He told me that her legs were stuck up by her face and that her arms were stuck at a ninety degree angle and they couldn’t move them. Then he said that her arms were shaking and the doctor had said she was having “seizure activity.”  I didn’t think anything of it and just kept telling myself she was going to be perfectly fine!  They wheeled me to my room and I was SO tired. I wanted so bad to cry because I could see how upset Nick was and I didn’t know what was wrong with my baby.  I was SO TIRED though, and all I wanted to do was sleep. Kim was still there and she knew someone from the border patrol (her husband’s work) sector in Yuma who held the priesthood so she called him and had him come give me a blessing with Nick.  I was SO grateful she knew someone and that I could receive a blessing.  Then Nick went in and gave Oakley a blessing.

The next few hours were the LONGEST hours of my life! I was in and out of sleep and Nick was back and forth being with me, and being with Oakley in the NICU.  Around midnight I finally went and saw Oakley for the first time. She was SO tiny and had LOTS of black hair! (I was REALLY excited about that!)  I was so scared for her.  She was hooked to all these machines and her legs were stuck up by her face and her arms too.  She had lots of bruises and her arms kept shaking.  I just starred at her in shock. I wanted to pick her up and just hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok.  She was so helpless.  I was SO happy to be seeing my baby for the first time, but I was SO sad to see her like that.  I just kept telling myself she was going to be just fine because there are SO MANY things doctors can do now-a-days. 

 Nick hadn’t slept much so we went back to our room to get some sleep.  The doctor came in around 1:00 a.m. and just kept saying, “You have a very sick baby.”  The pic-line team was with him and said that they wanted to try to put a pic-line in and needed our consent.  They explained to me the procedure and my heart just broke.  I didn’t want them to have to do that to her but I knew it was what she needed.  The doctor then explained to us, that because of her “seizure activity” they wanted to do an EEG test and an MRI on her brain, in the morning.  I was SO heartbroken but I wanted them to do everything they could to make her better.  We fell back asleep and then around 2:30 a.m. the doctor came in again and told us that the pic-line didn’t work.  The pic-line, wasn’t necessary for her survival but it was to help give her medicine so they wouldn’t have to keep poking her so of course I was heartbroken, again! He then mentioned that they were thinking about sending her to Phoenix Children’s Hospital because she was so sick.  At this point, I was still SO tired that I still couldn’t process it all and I fell back asleep.  Well, the doctor came in around 6:00 a.m. and had yet…. MORE bad news… he told us that Oakley was anemic and needed a blood transfusion and that they were going to take my blood and give it to her.  Then he said that they decided they weren’t going to do the tests there, in Yuma, but they were going to send her straight to Phoenix as soon as the Air Vac team could get there.  I looked at Nick and lost it! I couldn’t take one more ounce of bad news.  I just wanted my baby to be ok.  The doctor left and Nick and I just looked at each other and knew we needed to pray and discuss the possibilities of her outcome. Of course we wanted her to be perfectly fine and healthy, but with the way things were going, we knew that might not be a possibility.  We discussed the possibility of her maybe being in a wheelchair her whole life.  I was just torn because I thought how was I, as a mother, supposed to watch my baby grow up and be in a wheelchair her whole life, and possibly never be able to speak? I didn’t want that for my baby… I COULD NOT handle that.  Nick looked at me and said, “If she has to be, we will love her for whatever she will be.” But I just couldn’t! I COULD NOT watch my baby suffer like that. We also prepared ourselves for the worst and discussed the possibility of her not making it through this.  As hard as it was to say that, Nick and I both felt an overwhelming sense of peace because we knew that whatever needed to happen was going to happen and Heavenly Father would take care of it all.  Of course we still had the hope that everything was going to be ok!

Around 9 a.m. the Air Vac team arrived to the hospital.  I didn’t want to watch them do all they needed to do to Oakley so I stayed in my room.  About 20 minutes went by and I felt SO guilty for not being there with her so I had Nick take me down to the NICU so I could be there with her.  Kim had arrived at the hospital and was going to stay with me so Nick could go with Oakley to Phoenix.  All 3 of us watched as they carefully removed and replaced all the wires, machines and equipment that they needed for her flight.  About an hour and a half later, they were done and ready to go.  I kissed her goodbye and told her I loved her and off she went!  Nick followed them out and video-taped as they got her in and as they flew away.  Then he came and told me goodbye, got in his car, and took the 3 hour and 20 min drive to Phoenix.  I was SO worried about him being alone but I knew Heavenly Father would be watching over him. 

 

 

 

 

 

All this time we had been keeping our parents up to date on everything that was going on.  When the doctor came in around 2:30 a.m. and told us they were thinking about sending Oakley to Phoenix, we called my parents to tell them and they told us they had a flight to Phoenix at 6:00 a.m. that morning.  I was SO grateful to know that they would be there for us.

Life flight landed at the Phoenix Children’s Hospital around 12:45 p.m.  My parents were already there waiting for her but they wouldn’t let them back to see Oakley without Nick.  Nick arrived to the hospital around 2:30 p.m. When he got there, Oakley’s arms and legs had relaxed and were no longer “stuck”.  I was SO EXCITED!! I knew our prayers were working!! Nick and my Dad gave Oakley another blessing and I had high hopes that everything was going to work out just fine!  

They did the MRI and EEG tests on her brain and they also did a genetics test to test for the issues that might be causing the problems with her muscles. They told us we would get the results the next day (Wednesday).  Now I was just hanging out with Kim, trying my hardest not to think about everything.  I was in and out of sleep because of the pain medicine and around 5:00 p.m. I woke up.  My nurse was SO SWEET and knew everything that was going on and was trying to do everything she could to get me out of there that night!  Kim helped me get up out of bed and helped me walk up and down the hall so I could prove to the nurses, I was READY TO GO! It was REALLY, REALLY painful but I didn’t care because I just wanted to leave so I could be with my baby!  Around 7:00 p.m. I FINALLY passed gas!!!  (That’s really what we were waiting for. They wouldn’t let me go until I did!) HAHA! Well by the time they got my staples out and went through all of my discharge papers it was 9:30!! They gave me two more pain pills, got me in the car, and Kim and I headed to Phoenix. 

We arrived in Phoenix around 1:00 a.m. I have never been SO excited to see my Mom and dad! We were all staying in the Ronald McDonald house and it was located just outside the emergency room so we could walk to and from the NICU easily! I was exhausted but I wanted to see my baby! Nick wheeled me over and I got to see Oakley again!! She looked SO GOOD! She wasn’t as swollen and her arms and legs were down!!! She looked like a normal baby and I was SO EXCITED!! We stayed for a little bit and then headed back to our room.  We fell asleep and around 3:00 a.m. the nurse called us and told us that her IV’s kept slipping so they were going to surgically place a central line in her thigh so they wouldn’t have to keep poking her.  I was heartbroken AGAIN! I was glad they wouldn’t need to poke her anymore but I was sad she would have to go through that surgery.  I layed in bed and cried and cried while Nick held me and told me everything was going to be ok. 

The next morning (Wednesday), we got up and went to breakfast.  I was sick to my stomach because I was so nervous for the test results.  Nick and I didn’t have any clean clothes so my parents decided that they were going to go to Blythe to get some clean clothes for us because we didn’t know how long we would be there.  Nick talked to his parents and they were on their way down to Phoenix to be with us and to see Oakley! After breakfast, my parents left and Nick and I went back to the room to lay down for a little bit and wait for the doctor to call with the results. 

Around 1:00, the nurse called and said that the doctor was there and wanted to talk to us.  We got up and headed to the NICU.  I was SO NAUSEOUS!!!! I was terrified to find out what was wrong! We got to the NICU and as I stood over Oakley, I lost it.  I just knew what I was about to find out, was not good.  Then I heard our nurse tell another nurse there was going to be a conference in room 32.  Right then I knew…. It’s bad.  We walked back to the room and there were a bunch of chairs set up surrounding a couch. Nick and I sat down on the couch.  I was crying and shaking.  The doctor looked and me and said. “I assume you have heard what is going on?”  I told him no and that I was just scared.  I said, “I know it’s not good.”  He looked and me and said, “It’s not, I’m sorry.”  I started crying even harder.  I asked him if she was brain dead and he told me, “No. She’s not brain dead but…. There is very little brain activity. Almost as if she was in a coma. She will have no activity and then a burst of activity. Then no activity, then a burst of activity.  She is also missing a molecule in her muscles so her muscles are leaking fluid.” I then asked him… “Is she going to die?”  His whole body dropped and he looked and me and hesitantly said. “Yes.”   My heart sank to my stomach.  I didn’t believe it! THIS WASN’T HAPPENING! I turned to the nurse and told her to call my parents and tell them to turn around.  Then I broke down.  Nick just held me.  I was numb…...
After I gathered myself back together, I started drilling the doctor with questions.  “What did I do wrong? Why couldn’t we see any of this on an ultrasound? Was it because of the medication I was taking? Why did I feel her kick inside me, but when she was born, she never moved?  WHY did this happen?” He told me that it was nothing I did.  “It was either genetic or just a fluke. If you and Nick both carry the recessive gene, then the combination of your two genes could be the cause.  If not, there is a 1 in 10,000 chance that this happens.  It was nothing you did. It started from the first minute she was conceived.  The reason we wouldn’t see any of this on an ultrasound is because an ultrasound doesn’t look for function.  It looks for size and growth and she was measuring normal and growing at the rate she was supposed to be.”  I asked if she was having seizures and he told me no.  He said, “There was no sign of seizure activity on either test.  What they thought were seizures was just a reaction between her brain stem and spinal cord.  Which also has to do with function of the brain and muscle function.”  He then said, “We want to get you answers.  If you guys want to have other kids, we need to find out exactly why this happened and what caused it.  Obviously if it is genetic, you probably aren’t going to want to have any more kids this way. But we really want to get you some answers.  Now the only way to do this is to do an autopsy. So with your consent we want to do one, if that is what you want.”  Without hesitation, Nick and I told him we wanted them to do that.  We wanted answers. 

The doctor left and the nurse stayed with us. We cried some more and told the nurse we had talked about the possible outcomes when we found out that she wasn’t doing very well.   She kept assuring me that it was nothing I did that caused Oakley to have the problems she did.  Nick and I decided to head back to our room and wait for my mom and dad to get back.  We got back, sat on our bed and cried! I couldn’t believe this was happening.  I wanted to make everything ok and take Oakley’s pain away. This wasn’t fair!
My mom and dad walked into the room.  My mom looked at me and said, “What’s going on?” I fell apart again. Shaking my head I could barely get the words out.  We told them she wasn’t going to make it.  My mom held me and we all sat and cried.  I felt an overwhelming feeling come over me and I thought I was going to pass out. I kept yelling, “My baby! My baby!” This wasn’t happening! My mom and Nick helped lay me down and got me a cool rag.  The whole room was spinning.  I tried to calm myself down. I was numb….

What was next?  We had to start thinking about what was going to be happening within the next few hours.  Did I want to be there when she passed away? Could I bear to go through all of this? What were we going to do with our last moments with her? Where were we going to bury her? How were we going to get her home?  I told my dad, “There is no way in HELL I am leaving her down here!”  We decided that no matter what we had to do, we were going to get her back to Utah.  It was right then and there that we also decided, we were moving back to Utah.  We couldn’t bear to go through any of this without our families close by, even if it meant losing everything we had worked so hard for.

Now all I could think about was the next day.  I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted it to never end.  Nick and I didn’t have any clean clothes so my Mom and Dad took us shopping.  Kim was coming down in the morning so she went to our house and picked up everything I wanted for Oakley.  When we got back from shopping, Nick and I headed to the NICU to spend more time with Oakley.  This whole time, we still had yet to hold her.  They got all of the wires situated and made it able for us to hold her.  Holding her for the first time was AMAZING but bittersweet.  I knew what was going to be happening the next day.  I could barely hold it together.  Nick and I sat and talked for about an hour with her.  It was really late and I knew we had a long day ahead of us so we gave her loves and headed back to our room. 

 We were getting ready for bed, and Nick’s parents finally arrived! We headed back to the NICU so they could see her! We spent a little more time with her and then decided it was time for bed.  Nick’s mom and dad left to their hotel and we called it a night.

 That night was rough. We NEVER thought we would EVER go to bed at night, knowing our baby was going to pass away the next day.  I was still taking pain pills so I can definitely say they helped me make it through the night!

Thursday, February 7, 2013.  We slept in a little, got ready for the day, and then went to breakfast.  I could barely eat. My appetite was all but gone.  I still couldn’t believe what I was about to do.  We went back to our room and Nick and I received priesthood blessings from our dads to help us cope with the next few hours.  We gathered everything I wanted to dress Oakley in for pictures, and made our way to the NICU for the last time.  When we got there they had a portable partition surrounding Oakley’s bed.  We took a few pictures and then Nick, my Dad and Nick’s Dad, gave her a name and a blessing.  I was so overpowered by the spirit. Nick gave her the most AMAZING blessing I had ever heard.  Tears filled the room.  I know without a doubt in my mind that Oakley is SO SPECIAL and has such an amazing spirit.

 

The time had come.  I was so nervous.  I asked the doctor how long it was going to take before she passed. She said, “Everyone is different.  It could take 10 mins, 20 mins, an hour, 3 hours. The heart is a very strong muscle and could beat for a very long time without any other organs.  We will just have to wait and see.”  They unplugged all the cords, removed the ventilator, and replaced it with a hand pump.  They let me hold her while we walked back into the room where we would spend out last moments with her.  I felt so at peace.  A smile on my face the whole time, as I walked with her in my arms.  We got to the room and I handed her to Nick. (I was too afraid to hold her because I wasn’t sure what her body was going to do while she passed.) The nurse went to take the hand pump out and I shouted, “WAIT!” I wasn’t ready. I thought they would give us a little more time but I looked and Nick and said, “Are you ready?” he said, with heartache in his voice, “yes.”  The nurse removed the pump and my heart broke. Tears filled my eyes and I started to hyper ventilate.  My mom put her hand on my knee and just said, “No, be with her.” Instantly I was calm. My mom was right. I needed to be with her.
 

We held her for about a half an hour and the doctor came in to check for a heartbeat.  It was still there! She was still with us.  I turned to Nick and said, “Let’s dress her and take pictures while she is still here!”  So we played dress up!  I put on the blessing dress my grandma had made for her.  It was HUGE but she looked SO pretty in it!  We took a few pictures and talked with her. Then we changed her outfit and took some more pictures.

We talked to her about Grandma Pearl and how she would probably be dying soon so to watch for her.  We told her she was really bossy but she would take great care of her! We told her about Grandpa Hilton, Great Grandma and Grandpa Pete, Baby Zach, Baby Tate, and all of our other loved ones who we knew were up there waiting for her! I asked her to take my migraines away for me. (I have yet to have one through this whole thing!! I think she is taking extra special care of me! THANK YOU OAKLEY!!)  About an hour later, the doctor came back in and said her heart beat was gone.  I felt peace overcome me.  I knew she was now in a better place and no longer in pain.  I turned to Nick and said, “Now she is up in heaven with everyone else!”  We stayed with her for another 3 hours.  We laughed, and cried and just spoke to her as if she was still with us! Nick and I got to change her diaper (something we never got to do through all of this) and we got to give her a bath!!  I will never forget those two moments and I am SO GRATEFUL for the staff in the NICU and how wonderful they were through our whole experience!

 

We finished up her bath and let everyone say their final goodbyes. I was under the impression that when I handed Oakley to the nurse, I would never get to see her again.  I cried and cried and cried.  My heart was broken!  I stared at her, told her I loved her, gave her a kiss, and handed her to the nurse.  My worst nightmare had come true! Although it was the most horrible thing that had ever happened to me, I felt such comfort and peace.  I know that not only was Oakley now watching over me, my Heavenly Father was watching over me. 

We spent one more night at the Ronald McDonald house and made plans to head back to Blythe, only to pack up and move home to Utah!!

Heavenly Father blessed us SO MUCH trough little tender mercies!  My cousin, Brandon, just so happen to be a mortician and did his internship in Gilbert, AZ which was about 30 mins away.  He hooked us up with the most WONDERFUL mortician who took such great care of Oakley! When we sat down and met with him, he asked me how we were going to transport her home.  We told him we had thought about letting my Mom and Dad bring her (paying to transport a body is OUTRAGEOUS and I didn’t want her to have to go on a plane and be with all the cargo. It just seemed wrong!)  He told us that would be fine but we needed to consider the different ways it could happen.  First of all, getting all the paper work and permits to transport a body across state lines takes about a week.  With Oakley passing on Thursday we were now into the weekend and it could take even longer.  Second, there are two ways to transport a body.  One, you can lay her in her casket just as she will be buried or you can dress her and if you have a car seat, lay her in the car seat as you would any other baby.  YIKES!! I couldn’t believe that was an option!! That freaked me out a little bit too much and decided it would be best if she was just in her casket.  I am SO GRATEFUL for my mom and dad and for their willingness to take Oakley with them, even if it was a little on the creepy side!! Love you Mom and Dad!

When the mortician explained that she would be able to be transported in her car seat, I was a little freaked out, and I told him that I didn’t want to see her.  I had seen her in her perfect state and that was the last memory I wanted to have of her.  He looked and me and said, “I am very good at what I do and I am going to make Oakley look as normal as possible. I promise you won’t even be able to tell that anything has happened! I want you to be able to hold your baby again. I want you to spend all the time you want with her.”  I was in shock! I thought I had already said my final goodbye.  I was SO EXCITED to think that I would be able to see her again!!!!  My Mom told me that she would look at her and judge whether or not it would be a good idea for me to see her.

The next couple days we spent packing up the house and packing our bags to head to Utah.  Nick and I headed HOME!! We left a day before my parents because they had to wait to get Oakley’s body.  When they picked Oakley up, my mom called me and told me that she looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was SO HAPPY! I was going to get to hold my baby again!!  

February 15, 2013 we headed to Tremonton (where my cousins mortuary is) to see Oakley and hold her for the last time!  I was a little nervous to see her but when he brought her out I was AMAZED! She did look SO GOOD! I got to hold her and snuggle her! I will be forever grateful for the mortician that handled her and took such great care of her!!  I never thought I could love a complete stranger so much! Every time I think about how caring and gentle and loving he was with Oakley I just cry! Even though it was just Oakley’s body, it was so important for him to be extra gentle as if it was her! I am so grateful that he made it possible for me to hold my baby again! He did an AMAZING JOB don’t you think?!

February 19, 2013.  The day we laid Oakley to rest.  Such a bittersweet day for me.  We were able to do a small viewing, before the graveside service, for our siblings and Grandmas and Grandpas.  I, again, was SO GRATEFUL for the amazing job the mortician did on her so that our families could see how beautiful she was! We had so many friends and family come to support us and help celebrate Oakley’s life! We love each and every one of you and are so grateful for your love and support!

 

Nick and I still have SO many questions that we are going to just have to wait to get answered. They said the autopsy results could take anywhere from 3-6 months. For now we just can hope and pray that if we aren’t able to have kids between the two of us that we will be able to handle the pain and frustration that comes along with that and pray for strength to understand the way we are meant to have a family.  Of course for now we pray that we will be able to have other kids, just as we had Oakley and hope it was just a fluke and the way Oakley was supposed to come here to receive her body and return to live with our Heavenly Father. 

Nick and I could not have done ANY of this without SO MANY PEOPLE! First, Kim and Jon Mora.  They put their lives on hold for us more than once.  Kim was there for me when no one else could be! I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you, Kimi!! She drove to and from the hospital (which was an hour and a half away from home) multiple times. She drove me 3 and half hours to Phoenix, late at night so I could be with my baby. She made sure that our house was all packed up so Nick could just load the truck and go!  She has 4 little kids at home that needed her but she figured things out so she could be with me! With that, thank you Jon for helping her out at home so she could be with me. Also, Margaret and Allyson, Greg and Adena Hebdon, John and Teri Ulmer, Michael and Tawni Heflin, Lois Phipps, Ian and Mande John, Jared John, Nicole Heywood, Pat Bolton, Cade and Erica Johnson, Travis Reed, and pretty much EVERYONE in our Blythe family!! (sorry if I forgot anyone!) Whether it was taking Kim’s kids so she could be with me, cleaning my house, watching Roxy, bringing meals, stopping by the hospital, helping us move, or anything else that you did for us during our time there!!! We love every one of you!!! THANK YOU! Also, everyone here at home. (There are too many of you to name names!)  We have felt such love and support from every one of our friends and family!  Thank you to everyone who donated to the Oakley Pearl Heaps fund!! We really appreciate everything and everyone we have been blessed with! Most of all, THANK YOU to everyone who has prayed in our behalf.  We felt the strength from our Father in Heaven and I know it was because of all the prayers that were said for us!  We will be forever grateful for all of you!!

And of course, our parents! We would not have made it through any of this if it weren’t for our parents! We hope you guys know how much we appreciate everything you have done for us.  Thank you for dropping everything you had going on to be there with us. Everyone wants there mommy and daddy when something bad happens. We are so grateful you could be there for us and for Oakley! Oakley has the BEST grandparents anyone could ask for!  Thank you for your love and support! We LOVE you more than words can say!

Through this whole experience, my testimony has grown millions! I know without a doubt that my Heavenly Father loves me and knows my pain. It is so easy to be upset with him in such a hard time, wondering WHY she had to be taken away from us. It is so hard to not understand the meaning of such a horrible tragedy. I often think, why us? Why her? This is so unfair! I want, more than anything, to have Oakley here, perfect in every way.  She never opened her eyes, we never saw her smile and we never saw her move.  I wish I could watch her smile, hear her laugh and even hear her cry. I know everything happens for a reason and God DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES!  I know that it was Oakley’s trial in life to go through what she went through and I know she unselfishly accepted her plan to receive a body and only live for a short time.  Nick and I have heartache because she is not here with us, but we rejoice knowing she is in heaven, perfect in every way, working so hard for our Heavenly Father and watching over us!  I know that the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true! I know, without a doubt, that I would not have the strength and courage to get through this, every day without it! I love my Heavenly Father SO MUCH and I know all things are possible through him! We will forever be grateful for Oakley and our Heavenly Father for blessing us with her and her special spirit!

 

 

34 weeks!! WE have a DATE!!

This week has been a pretty good week! Nothing too crazy going on. Doctor appointments were on Thursday.  I had my EEG test done on my brain. It was super boring and I had like 20 nasty glue dots in my hair when I got done. They stuck a bunch of wires to my head and then I had to sit there with my eyes closed for 15 mins. I won't find out anything until the 14th but I'm sure all is fine! Then I had baby's doctor appointment, and we have a date!!!!! FEBRUARY 22nd!! Less than a month away!! CRAZY!! Everything with the baby is good! Her heartbeat sounds good, she is measuring good size, and doc says her head is down! I am scheduled to go back in 2 weeks, then the next week I will find out my test results, and then the next week, WE'LL HAVE A BABY!!! I am getting more and more nervous everyday it gets closer! I'm SO EXCITED to meet her but I'm TERRIFIED to be a mommy! I'm glad I have Nick to keep me calm! He is BEYOND excited to be a daddy! 

How far along? 34 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 2 more lbs... getting huge!
Sleep: Great!!! I have been taking sleeping pills! ;)
Best moment this week: Finding out when baby will be here!
Miss anything? My ribs not hurting
Food cravings: Anything really
Anything making you queasy or sick: No
Belly button in or out? Still in!!
Movement: Lots of little twitches
Body Aches: My tummy is sore from her kicking me!
Happy or moody most of the time: Happy!

Looking forward to: Having energy again

 

 

 

32 weeks, 33 weeks and Baby Shower!!

32 weeks... This week was SUPER ROUGH! Hence I'm late on the blog post! I had 5 migraines in 4 days! It was HORRIBLE! I went to the doctor to make sure everything was ok with the baby, and it is! They were worried that my blood pressure was high but it turned out to be great. He was, however, concerned with the amount of migraines I had in a row so he wanted me to go to a neurologist. (More about that later on..) It was super scary because I've never had that happen to me before, I am just happy that everything is ok with the baby!

 

 

 

How far along? 32 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Probably gained a couple more lbs....
Sleep: Not good... woke up with migraines 5 too many times :(
Best moment this week: Every second that I didn't have a migraine 
Miss anything? My Mom... you always want your mommy when your sick 
Food cravings: nothing in particular
Anything making you queasy or sick: No
Belly button in or out? Still in!!
Movement:  Lots! she is becoming a kicker!
Body Aches: Not too bad this week.. just tired
Happy or moody most of the time: Moody cuz of the stupid migraines 

Looking forward to: Baby shower

 

 

33 weeks!!! This week was MUCH better than last week! I got the BEST surprise EVER! I had my baby shower on Tuesday and my mom and grandma showed up and I had NO IDEA they were coming!!! It was the BEST surprise! They got my reaction on video and it is HILARIOUS!  I can't get it on here but it is on Facebook. I make the ugliest face and then I look like a big fat heffer running! Its just great! HA!  The shower was PERFECT! Kim, Margret and Allyson did SO much to make it great! Nick and I are SO grateful for everyone that came and spoiled us! We got lots of super cute stuff and lots of diapers!!!! Thank you, Thank you everyone!! Here are some pictures of all the cute things they did....

 

 



This is what they made for the party favors... little mini pies in a jar!

This is the top of the pie... "Thank you for celebrating our "SWEETIE PIE" Love, Nick and Amber

My mom and grandma came on Tuesady and Stayed until today, Saturday! I had to work on Wednesday so they came out to the salon to visit and see good ole' Quartzsite! Then after work we played cards all night long and had a super fun time!!! Thursday was my Neurology appointment in Yuma. So we headed out early and took the exciting drive to Yuma. My appointment went well. The doctor just said that it is common to get migraines like that toward the end of pregnancy and didn't seem too concerned with anything. I do have to have an EEG test done to test the brain waves to see if I am prone to seizures or anything.. I'm pretty sure I'm not and all of these have just been because of hormones but its better to be safe than sorry. After my appointment we went to lunch and did a little shopping and then took the exciting drive home! Then we played cards again!!! It was a good day!
On Friday we didn't have plans so we decided to go to Lake Havasu!  We stopped in Parker on the way and went to the Casino. We all put in a couple dollars in the slots.. I lost mine, mom lost hers and grandma won $2.85!!! Big winner! haha! We went to Red Robin for lunch, which was FABULOUS, and then we went and saw the London Bridge. My mom and grandma LOVED havasu... its really pretty there! Then we did some shopping and came home and, you guessed it, played cards again!! I LOVE playing cards so it was so nice having them here to play with!!! Nick was a good sport and played with us with very little complaining!!!
I had SO MUCH fun having them here and I'm SO GRATEFUL they could come!! I can't wait until we can move closer to home and be able to spend more time with them again! I will see my mom again though in 6 weeks, when baby comes!!! :)



How far along? 33 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Gained 3 more lbs.. :/ kinda freakin me out, I hope its all baby weight and water!
Sleep: Much better... I have been taking sleeping pills though, just so I don't wake up with anxiety.
Best moment this week: Having my mom and grandma here!
Miss anything?  My family... Not my mom cuz I got to spend the week with her!! But I miss everyone else
Food cravings: Red Robin.. and I got to go!!!
Anything making you queasy or sick: No
Belly button in or out? Still in!!
Movement:  Still lots!
Body Aches: I've started getting a bad pain in my lower belly at night... weird but it goes away by morning
Happy or moody most of the time: Happy!

Looking forward to: Doctors appointment! We are setting a date FOR SURE this time!